i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
