a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
