Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
