dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize