i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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