Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
