Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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