When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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