WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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