On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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