you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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