dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
