Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
