I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
