It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
