Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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