Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have aggressive nipples.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
