Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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