OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
