You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
