i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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