That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
