Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
