All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
