I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
