im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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