I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
