i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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