You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
