is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
