The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
