Is it because I queefed?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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