The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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