Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
