are you still at the devil's house?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
