This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
