im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My vagina is very pro this idea
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
