is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
a search helicopter?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
