As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Randomize
