Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
