I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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