Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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