they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
