TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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