WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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