Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
