The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
