I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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