Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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