I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
