we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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