Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
