How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
