I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
be right there i have to get my cape
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
