Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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