His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
