Just cropdusted the office
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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