Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
