its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
