Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
of course. lets lasso hookers.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
