What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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