Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
