Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
