I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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