worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
