i just wanna soil my oats bro
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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