2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
