I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
