there's paper in my vomit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize