Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
